For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways, declares the Lord.
As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. Is. 55:8-9
I recently read this verse and was reminded that God simply knows....He simply knows what is best, when it's best, how it's best and for what purpose it's best. I can't argue with that. For sure I would wreak havoc on my life if I thought I knew what was best. Not to say I haven't tried at times.
I want to go back to when I was pregnant. I have to admit my husband and I were "done" with growing our family. (Oh, yea, the verse above!) Yup! Well, God wasn't done growing our family and I am quite thankful He wasn't. We waited until that September to say anything to anyone about the little one inside. That put me around 6 months prego! This didn't go over real well with everyone, but hey, it was our 7th and we aren't exactly young folk anymore. Time went on, homeschooling started back up, fall came, Thanksgiving came, Christmas & we thought we would have a New Year's Baby! All the while the only thing I had prepared was knowing where our little baby girl would sleep. The bassinet remained stored and we still had to dig it out to set up next to our bed. No diapers bought. No new clothes or blankets ready. I had a huge list of things either to buy or prepare for this little one and this deep sinking feeling that she was going to be early. All our other children were delivered on time so I had no reason to back up this feeling. Or was it just a hope that she would come early.
Looking back I can see clearly God's hand in it all. Even though we had nothing prepared, God knew we didn't need to stress. I wouldn't need clothes, a coming home outfit, booties, newborn diapers, or even a bed ready for her. Not right away anyway. I wish I could put into words exactly what I mean. Peace that all would work itself out was what my heart would throb. My Mom has always told me that babies don't need a lot of things, all they need is your love. Well, my hubby and I surely had much love to give. And our baby Gabby would feel every bit of it!
Christmas and New Years had come and gone. It was the first week back to school. I had three weeks to teach before the baby would come. (I thought) A lot had to be done. Not only for baby, but cleaning the house, I wanted to get freezer meals made, have the kids up to speed with school work & so much more. That first day back to school, January 6th, I began to feel very uncomfortable.. All through the school day I wondered if I was going to make it through. I did make it through and it was a great school day. But the next three days were not easy. (That may be a future post.)
...so are my ways higher than your ways... I looked down at our baby girl, just born, and knew right away that something wasn't right. In the delirious state I was in I figured because she was three weeks early that was why her skin looked so thick. But I didn't understand why some of her skin looked very red. We learned very quickly that our baby girl had something wrong. I was being asked all kinds of questions like "Do you remember taking anything?" "Doing anything?". Remembering back to those questions haunts me. Inside I was wondering already what I did to cause this. I didn't do anything, but several weeks went by before I actually believed that. God knew. The doctors didn't know. They were scrambling to find information for this rare disorder to give to us. This proved to be the beginning of something far greater than I could comprehend, than many of us could comprehend.
Gabriella, Gabby Grace, was 5 months old before we knew her definite diagnosis. Epidermolytic Ichthyosis. God knew that Gabby would not come home right away. God knew that I didn't have to have her clothes ready, washed and organized. God knew that a coming home outfit would not be needed right away. God knew that I would have time to get her sleeping area ready. God knew. God also knew the strength needed, the peace that comes with that strength. He gave it just when we needed it most. There were definitely down days. Even now down days come and it's verses like this one that remind me that I know nothing in the grand scheme of life-But God knows and that is all I need.
